I normally grace right past this sort of trash, as I don't always try to bring self deprecation down upon myself, but one of the headings caught my eye: 537 MEN GET HONEST ABOUT YOUR BODY! My body? Really? Oh, what I've always wanted!!
The article itself took me almost half an hour to find, because it was stashed away at the back, under the hilariously titled BODY LOVE. Hmmmmm. The accompanying picture displays 6 women in black lingerie smiling obnoxiously at me. With a look at the text, which reads : 537 Men Reveal: The Sex Appeal Of Women With Real Bodies... Just The Advice That Makes Sense, actually, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. For the most part I actually don't look anything like the women used as examples (but at least they're not all white). But, what is it that makes these bodies so much realer than models we see on TV, or on the Victoria's Secret runway? Looking at these women, none of them are overweight, or anywhere near it, none of them have visible cellulite, all have golden tanned skin, the only difference between these women and the Victoria's Secret models is that these women are not six foot tall and thin. But why is that so unnatural? Why is it deemed that a tall, thin woman with small breasts and arse don't have realistic or "real" bodies? What actually makes someones body not real is what is actually done to the body to change it. Fake tan, dyed hair, waxed legs, arms and do I need to go there?, lipstic, mascara, eyeshadow, foundation and any other cosmetic I may have missed, not to mention plastic surgery. That, the fake stuff women use on their bodies to distort, alter, conceal and manipulate, is what makes a body look so unreal (refer pun as pleased). The women shown in this photograph don't actually look like natural women at all. None of these women look like this at 7:00 in the morning. Fake tan, bleeched hair, makeup, bodies fully waxed. What is so real about this? Plus, they have all been air brushed. @$#%&(*&)*^&%!$#$%@$#^&#&@% !!!!!!!
The text reads as follows: "Every woman at some point in her life wonders what a man thinks of her body. It doesn't live up to any feminist ideals-but it happens." Yeah, so what a way to go about it? Rather than trying to challenge these conventions, instead obsess about it by asking men tedious questions about what it is they want. The men after this survey must have had inflated heads. But it gets better, because the results showed that "men love our bodies". Ofcourse, I wonder if the results would have changed if presented with women who actually do have natural, non-manipulated bodies. But moving on to the first survey....
"DOES SIZE MATTER? We Asked Guys What Female Body Shape they found Most Physically attractive." The text is highlighted so that you know we are talking about female bodies, just incase you missed it, and that men are only to give one dimensional answers to all these questions, because, like, we wouldn't want to make this in any way realistic, would we?. The accompanying image shows celebrities of size 6-8 to 16, with an elegantly placed percentage of desirability. Ofcourse, the larger of size 14 and 16 women recieved the less votes, whilst the thinner women recieved the majority, over a stickly size 6-8 Rachel Bilson, who only got 10%, but still scored more than the size 14 and 16 women. The men who were lucky enough to grace the comments fodder say they are just not in to skinny women, and they prefer women of medium size. However, the size ten-er-er, (oh that's me, too!) is Lauren Conrad, from The Hills. She's not exacly what I'd call medium, although she does recieve the majority of votes. Ironically, she is also the only blonde ( What? They chose the Blonde :O). None of the women are black, or asian... or anything other than white. Because, that doesn't matter at all, does it? Which is what pisses me off more than anything about these magazines is that, though I don't think it is done intensionally, they focus on the woes of white women and ignore the issues of women who don't fit into that category, i.e. not white.
The next section dispalys a graph about "Cellulite and Stretch Marks... do guys care? No! Turn the Lights on!" A piece of orange peel accompanies this graph, WTF? Although the orange skin is an accurate depiction of celebrity skin of late; the results inform us that: "A Whopping 85% of guys don't care - so why should you?" OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, right, why should we care? Well, maybe we wouldn't if you'd stop putting FUCKING ARTICLES AND ADS ABOUT HOW TO GET RID OF THE FUCKING STUFF THAT I NEVER EVEN NOTICED OR KNEW EXISTED UNTIL WANKY MAGAZINES LIKE YOU TOLD US ALL ABOUT IT!!!
I don't want to draw out everything, because it is very tedious and unconvincing, but I did discover that men prefer a sense of humour over a flat stomach. I'm assuming a sense of humour means you laugh at all his shit jokes, because of course women don't actually have a sense of humour when it comes to making jokes of their own. Also, I may now freely obligate myself with ordering dessert, infront of my date! (assuming he is male of course). Meh. The other one I will point out is the predictable "Where is the sexiest place for a woman to store fat?" Tits, ass of hips? Well, you guessed it, accompanied by an image of Jessica Simpson, who is booby champion with 67%. Armenien reality porn star Kim Kardashian takes the butt award with 23%. And the loser? Beyonce and her hips, whish is actually the place where women are most likely to carry extra weight, but anyway. Also there is the usual chronological order here: White woman the hottest, brunette the second, and the less appealing is the black woman. I'm not sure if the men were shown these pictures, or if they were chosen by staff after, but really, either way what is this saying? Can people really be this ignorant ans stupid?
Anyway, I am also great in bed, even though I've never slept with one, and men like my boobs "hanging" when I'm on top, even though, well, see previous. I also don't have much boobs to hang in the first place. Oh, and one of the complaints about women in bed was that her breasts were too small. Poor things. And more on the weighty issue with Cosmo trying to tell me that men will not notice or care about their partners putting on weight, backed up by more comments. Even though the stats displayed that they will notice and care if you put on a whopping 10 kilos... gee. Overall, this survey actually left me feeling not so cool about my body. I'm not entirely sure how running surveys and shoving them in our face is supposed to make anybody feel better about anything. All this does is draw attention to problems you never knew was a problem in the first palce, and enforce the notion that it really does matter more what men think of your body than what you think of yourself.
Might I add the cover model is Miranda Kerr. She doesn't look at all human, it's not her though, but the air brusher who did this shot should be fired out of a canon into space. Along with Cosmopolitan and whoever thought up such a stupid survey. Moral of story: Read BITCH instead.
"DOES SIZE MATTER? We Asked Guys What Female Body Shape they found Most Physically attractive." The text is highlighted so that you know we are talking about female bodies, just incase you missed it, and that men are only to give one dimensional answers to all these questions, because, like, we wouldn't want to make this in any way realistic, would we?. The accompanying image shows celebrities of size 6-8 to 16, with an elegantly placed percentage of desirability. Ofcourse, the larger of size 14 and 16 women recieved the less votes, whilst the thinner women recieved the majority, over a stickly size 6-8 Rachel Bilson, who only got 10%, but still scored more than the size 14 and 16 women. The men who were lucky enough to grace the comments fodder say they are just not in to skinny women, and they prefer women of medium size. However, the size ten-er-er, (oh that's me, too!) is Lauren Conrad, from The Hills. She's not exacly what I'd call medium, although she does recieve the majority of votes. Ironically, she is also the only blonde ( What? They chose the Blonde :O). None of the women are black, or asian... or anything other than white. Because, that doesn't matter at all, does it? Which is what pisses me off more than anything about these magazines is that, though I don't think it is done intensionally, they focus on the woes of white women and ignore the issues of women who don't fit into that category, i.e. not white.
The next section dispalys a graph about "Cellulite and Stretch Marks... do guys care? No! Turn the Lights on!" A piece of orange peel accompanies this graph, WTF? Although the orange skin is an accurate depiction of celebrity skin of late; the results inform us that: "A Whopping 85% of guys don't care - so why should you?" OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, right, why should we care? Well, maybe we wouldn't if you'd stop putting FUCKING ARTICLES AND ADS ABOUT HOW TO GET RID OF THE FUCKING STUFF THAT I NEVER EVEN NOTICED OR KNEW EXISTED UNTIL WANKY MAGAZINES LIKE YOU TOLD US ALL ABOUT IT!!!
I don't want to draw out everything, because it is very tedious and unconvincing, but I did discover that men prefer a sense of humour over a flat stomach. I'm assuming a sense of humour means you laugh at all his shit jokes, because of course women don't actually have a sense of humour when it comes to making jokes of their own. Also, I may now freely obligate myself with ordering dessert, infront of my date! (assuming he is male of course). Meh. The other one I will point out is the predictable "Where is the sexiest place for a woman to store fat?" Tits, ass of hips? Well, you guessed it, accompanied by an image of Jessica Simpson, who is booby champion with 67%. Armenien reality porn star Kim Kardashian takes the butt award with 23%. And the loser? Beyonce and her hips, whish is actually the place where women are most likely to carry extra weight, but anyway. Also there is the usual chronological order here: White woman the hottest, brunette the second, and the less appealing is the black woman. I'm not sure if the men were shown these pictures, or if they were chosen by staff after, but really, either way what is this saying? Can people really be this ignorant ans stupid?
Anyway, I am also great in bed, even though I've never slept with one, and men like my boobs "hanging" when I'm on top, even though, well, see previous. I also don't have much boobs to hang in the first place. Oh, and one of the complaints about women in bed was that her breasts were too small. Poor things. And more on the weighty issue with Cosmo trying to tell me that men will not notice or care about their partners putting on weight, backed up by more comments. Even though the stats displayed that they will notice and care if you put on a whopping 10 kilos... gee. Overall, this survey actually left me feeling not so cool about my body. I'm not entirely sure how running surveys and shoving them in our face is supposed to make anybody feel better about anything. All this does is draw attention to problems you never knew was a problem in the first palce, and enforce the notion that it really does matter more what men think of your body than what you think of yourself.
Might I add the cover model is Miranda Kerr. She doesn't look at all human, it's not her though, but the air brusher who did this shot should be fired out of a canon into space. Along with Cosmopolitan and whoever thought up such a stupid survey. Moral of story: Read BITCH instead.
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